Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.

It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: \O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.\" And God granted it."

The superfluous is very necessary.

It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.

A witty saying proves nothing.

Anything too stupid to be said is sung.

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid; you must also be well-mannered.

If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.

England has forty-two religions and only two sauces.

Canada: A few acres of snow.

I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one.

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.

It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.

When it is a question of money, everyone is of the same religion.

The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman nor an Empire.

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.

A clergyman is one who feels himself called upon to live without working at the expense of the rascals who work to live.

Once the people begin to reason, all is lost.

The art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one class of the citizens to give to the other.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

This poem will never reach its destination.

May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.